I'm a Mommy
Hannah is on the verge of turning two. There are so many cute things about this age, and it’s so fun to see her personality blossoming. Of course, she also insists on exerting her independence, which can be challenging. But, no matter how many times we ask, she insists she is a baby – not a big girl.
We were having a pretty normal conversation with Hannah a couple of weeks ago while driving. Nora was trying to convince Hannah that she was a big girl. “Hannah, you’re a big girl!” “No! Baby!” Hannah adamantly replied. For some reason this always makes me laugh coming from my little chubby girl. I then asked Nora, “Am I a baby or a big girl?” “You’re a mommy!” Nora exclaimed without hesitation and a tone that told me I had asked such a silly question.
Bam. There it was. I’m a mommy. It made me pause. How in the world did I get here? Am I old enough or wise enough to be a mommy? I don’t feel old enough.* I often have to pause to think about my age if I’m ever asked. My knee-jerk reaction is to reply that I’m 25 or something in that range. I then recall that I’m quite a few years older than that. There are times when I feel that childlike impulse to run just to run or laugh out loud in public just to laugh. Heaven forbid that an adult lose their composure in public. Matt and I were waiting for our flight in the Phoenix airport, and I was reading a book about friendship. I read something that turned over my giggle box, and I could not stop laughing. I laughed so hard that I started crying. It was all I could do to make my laughter just a bit less than a raucous noise. Meanwhile, Matt was scowling at me and begging me to please stop laughing. He was so nervous about what other people were thinking.
But, back to the question – Am I really qualified to be a mommy? I used to look at people my age and think they were so wise and accomplished. I thought they knew how to handle every situation and could keep their composure even when they hadn’t showered in days and had a toddler crying and rolling on the floor. Were they really like me? Did they not know EXACTLY what to do in every situation? Were those ladies who I thought were so old really just trying to figure out this motherhood and adult thing, too?
I’m pretty sure they were. Don’t get me wrong – I hope we are all trying to grow in maturity. But, I would be surprised if too many people ever think they have reached “expert” level in their particular stage of life. I was listening to a podcast the other day in which a dad related his challenges in raising his kids. It was an “aha!” moment for me when he said he told his child once that they needed to learn their roles together. He had never been a dad before, and his child had never been a kid before. For some reason that struck me. I don’t know what I’m doing, but my girls are trying to figure out life just like I am. So, until we get it all figured out (insert laugh here), I’m going to pray that a lot of grace will flow in our home – along with lots of giggles, exploring, and running.
*Side Note: This year for Christmas, Matt’s mom gave us gift for our age – Aleve, an ice pack, Bengay, etc. Matt appreciated the gift and has commented that he’s really starting to feel his age in his body. I refuse to believe it and insist he keeps those thoughts to himself!